You Don't Know The Half Of It
by Prosper-the-XVIII
Summary: When you don't officially exist and your name is technically just the letter M, there are a lot of things that people don't know about you. Your birth name, for instance, or the fact that you're hellbent on avoiding retirement to any possible extent. Now it's about time that these things became public knowledge. Ten things you don't know about M...
1. Chapter 1

**This is slightly based around FeathersMcStrange's fic about Q, Lie To Me. The purpose of this is; Ten Things That You (Probably) Don't Know About M. Enjoy!**

* * *

**Her real name is Evelyn Judith Marion Isabel Cameron, MBE**

Most people don't know this as she likes to pretend that her legal name is just the M. She says it's because her real one is 'too much of a mouthful'. However, the two reasons why are because a) she hates the name Evelyn. Always has and probably always will.  
And b) She sees the MBE part as a label, not an official title. Only three of her non-family members actually know about it. One of them is dead. Another is James Bond. The third is The Queen.

**Though she is really 75 and technically should have retired nine years ago, she has been legally 64 years of age for the past seven years  
**When you have someone like Q working for you, it's pretty easy to bribe them into faking documents. Though she hasn't gotten round to asking him about the name.

**She was an agent for eighteen years before stepping down.  
**Why she gave it up, no-one knows, but it must have been pretty bad, as she won't tell you even if you ask her. Well, one does, and probably would tell you given the chance, but he's been sworn to secrecy.

3 and a bit. **She** **owes her life to James Bond.  
**(she insists that these two incidents aren't connected, but James says and knows otherwise)

**She probably spends more time in her office than at home.  
**There is no such thing as overtime in MI6, so she has often spent consecutive days and nights in there trying to stop terrorist threats and prevent James Bond, with his over-active trigger finger, from abusing his 00 status and killing all possible leads. Her record is 142 hours without sleeping and barely eating.

**She was a 00. 005 to be exact.**  
She seldom talks about this though. You'll find out why later.

**She couldn't fire a gun if her life literally depended on it.  
**Okay, she is perfectly capable of firing, she just can't aim. At all. And the fact that her hands kind of shake when she tries doesn't exactly help. Most people don't know she was a 00 as they don't believe her for this reason.

**She is allergic to penicillin  
**She found this out the hard way whilst on a mission. I will say no more on the subject.

**She is good at picking up on other people's feelings, but not so good at handling her own.  
**Due to the fact that she tries to hide them as much as possible, whenever possible, she has serious trouble when it comes to facing emotions. This may account for a few of her stubborn...ness issues, which Tanner, poor man, is usually on the receiving end of.

**Q is her son  
**This is a well-kept secret among MI6, and if you tell anyone, then M can and will have you shot.

**She ****hates**** Mallory  
**She thinks he's both a control freak and a pain in the ass. He thinks the same of her.


	2. Chapter 2: Names

**Right, my inspiration for why M dislikes her name is school. In drama, we're creating our own characters and performing a play called Darkwood Manor as them. My character's name is Evelyn Bonham-Carter (she is perhaps a bit like M in her looks, age and voice, but has a more Bellatrix Lestrange-like persona) and everyone but me thinks that this is a stupid name. Enjoy!**

M had hated the name Evelyn for about as long as she could remember. And, as fate would have it, it just happened to be her real name too. Thank you for that, mum. When she had been a child, it had always been too stiff and she thought that it just made her sound posh – NOT something she wanted. People had called her Evie from when she was about four and voiced that she thought that her name was 'really, really stupid', but by the time she turned about eight she had dismissed this as a stupid baby pet name and point-blank refused to answer to it. When she was old enough to officially edit her birth documents and change it, she had planned to. But couldn't think of anything that suited her. Lucy? No, didn't sound right. Rebecca? Just didn't fit her. Jessica? Still no. The one thing that kept coming to mind was Andromeda for some stupid reason, but like that was going to happen. Hell, she didn't even like the shortened forms of her true name, Eve and Lyn. How original. So Evelyn had kind of just stuck.

That was one of the things she loved about her job. The fact that her name wasn't public knowledge and that nobody was actually supposed to know it. Apart from one person who did, despite her best attempts to keep it from him. James bloody Bond. How the hell he managed to find these things out was beyond her. Damned spies. However, she could generally restrain him from using it to a certain extent. That was the second thing she liked about her position. She was one of the few people in Britain and possibly all of western Europe who was legally allowed to threaten her staff with being shot.

That was just one of five problems with her name. The first three were her goddamn middle names. Why the hell did one person need all of them? The fact that the only one of them she was much fussed for was Marion didn't really help matters at all. The fourth was her surname; when people found out what it was they often asked if she was related to the Prime Minister. Since she thought that he was the second-biggest plonker ever to grace the planet (the biggest being a certain Gareth Mallory) then this wasn't exactly something she was going to take as a compliment. The fifth was the MBE part. It was just a label, in her eyes; it made her feel maybe slightly patronized. Plus the only reason she had gotten it at all was her predecessor trying to make up to her for a mission that had gone completely tits-up and resulted in her tortured and shot in the arms and legs from close range about thrity-seven times. She knew that the old M had hated her, but for him it had sort of been a kind gesture, but the fact that he had assumed that that would just make her forget about it really annoyed her.

M had never understood the point in over-flamboyant or stupid names. Mind you, to everyone she worked around, she was simply an initial – though people outside of MI6 often mistook M the letter for the short form of Emma or Emily, Em, so she ended up getting called that a lot – so wasn't exactly in a position to complain.


End file.
